My husband drinks alcohol

Question:

Hi, I'm an Indian married to a Pakistani.  I converted to Islam. We have been married 5 years but I never felt one day that mine and my husband's relationship would feel this way - like it's dead.  I think he is just using me to get his permanent stay.  I feel so sad sometimes, I cry most of the time. We have a daughter aged 3 years, I think he is planing to kidnap her from me soon as he gets his permanent visa.
I mean, I'm also always angry with him because he does not work or give me money.  He only likes going out with his freinds to a bar and drinking alcohol and looking at other women.  He calls me bad names when he is drunk which I cannot hear as it hurts me alot.  He has a kind heart but still I feel he is not the kind of man I was wishing for.
He does not even have interest in going to masjid to pray for the sake of our daughter.  I love to do it but as I converted no one teaches me anything about Islam.  I love to learn the Namaz but who will teach me. I'm in a big problem I have so many worries.  I worry about our finances, he does not have any responsibilities.  He just thinks about himself, drinking, swearing and doing bad.
I don't know what to do as I don't want to divorce for the sake of our child.  It's too much for me.

Sister Noorah's Answer:

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
I am very sorry to hear you are having these marital issues. First and foremost, alhamdulillah, it is a big blessing that you were guided to Islam, and no matter what happens, hold on to this with all your heart and you will be able to get through this and any other issue that comes up in your life.
It would help me to know what country you are in. You say you are an Indian and he is Pakistani, but are you living in the US? It seems this might be the case and you are a citizen of the US while he is a resident alien. Please follow up with us and correct me if I am wrong in this.
You have to be strong and act now, not just for your sake but for the sake of your daughter. You have to protect your Islam and also protect her if her father is not living as a Muslim. Know that if your husband has abandoned the prayer and continues to neglect it, then he has taken himself beyond the pale of Islam. If he is considered a non-believer due to this, then the ongoing validity of your marriage to him is in doubt, as it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to be married to a non-Muslim. So you see how serious this issue is.
As you are a convert and you do not have a strong Muslim family to back you up, you will have to turn to strong Muslim brothers in your local community to talk to your husband about this issue. You must talk to your Imaam and ask him to come to your house, or wherever he can meet your husband. The Imaam should discuss several topics: 1) the importance of the prayer 2) the absolute responsibility of the husband to work to provide income for his family 3) the fact that alcohol is forbidden in Islam 4) that Islam requires kind treatment of spouses and he is not allowed to verbally, physically, or emotionally abuse or neglect you. Even if he has a "kind heart", this heart is being blackened by bad deeds so much that the original man you married is all but lost to you.
You must take this action now, before the issue goes further. You are not required to work, rather your husband should work to support you, so you should tell him that he must get a job. Be firm on this and be willing to follow through by leaving, or by making him leave if he refuses. After all, as you are paying for everything, he has abdicated any leadership he might have once have. If there is a threat of physical violence, you must do whatever is necessary to protect yourself and your daughter. You have to work on two tracks. You must work honestly and sincerely to try to save the marriage, but you must also develop an exit strategy if it becomes necessary for you to leave. You should also make sure he does not have a passport for your daughter and you should contact the State Department or whatever agency is in charge of making sure he cannot take her out of the country. You will have to be wise and strong in this, and the outcome is uncertain.
As with most complex issues in life, there is no easy answer to your questions. Even before you learn to pray, you can still supplicate to Allah and ask Him to help you in your native language. He will forgive any shortcomings in your practice of Islam as long as you are striving to learn and be a good Muslim. Remember that Islam was revealed over the course of 23 years and there is no such thing as "instant Muslim", so do what you can and inshAllah, God willing, you can learn more over time. As you get involved with your community, you can also make friends with Muslim women who can help you. Do not isolate yourself and try to hold the whole marriage up all by yourself.

Source:  zawaj.com