Seven things to happiness and success of Married Life

Seven Keys to happiness and success (Married Life)

The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect. In this picture, just look at their condition... no place to sleep, still they have made some space for the cat and the dog... water poring from the roof but still each one of them have a peaceful smile on their face... Simply amazing! Therefore: Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.

1. Mutual Trust: Key to happiness and success

Mutual Trust is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation. A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, 'Public Utilities Board.' There was silence. She repeated, 'PUB.' There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is. Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just 'Hello' instead of 'PUB.' Imam Ali (as) says: "The best of belief is trustworthiness, and the worst of manners is betrayal." Imam Baqir (as) says: "There are three things that God did not exempt anyone from doing. Returning the trusts and keeping your pledges to the good and the evil-doers alike, and being good and merciful towards parents regardless of their being good of not." Imam Sadiq (as) says: "Had the killer of Imam Ali kept a trust with him he would have given it back." Imam Ali (as) says: "Do not betray the one who trusts you even if he betrays you. He also swore that the Messenger of God told him an hour before he died: Return the trust, to the good and the evil-doers, and whether it is trivial or big."

2. No Pointing Fingers: Key to happiness and success

A man asked his father-in-law, 'Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?' The father-in-law answered in a smile, 'Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you.' We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves. If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too. Imam Ali (as) says: "Ignore the shortcomings and forgive the mistakes of others, just as you hope that God will forgive your crimes and sins." "The best deed of a great man is to forgive and forget."

3. Creating Perfect Relationships: Key to happiness and success

A person visited the matchmaker for marriage, and requested 'I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one.' The matchmaker said, 'your requirements, please?' 'Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, nice talking. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.' The matchmaker listened carefully and replied, 'I understand you need television not spouse.' There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

4. No Overpowering: Key to happiness and success

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character." It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness. It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations. Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a prosperous country. One day, he went for a trip to some distant areas of his country. When he was back to his palace, he complained that his feet were very painful, because it was the first time that he went for such a long trip, and the road that he went through was very rough and stony. He then ordered his people to cover every road of the entire country with leather. Definitely, this would need thousands of cows' skin, and would cost a huge amount of money. Then one of his wise servants dared himself to tell the king, "Why do you have to spend that unnecessary amount of money? Why don't you just cut a little piece of leather to cover your feet?" The king was surprised, but he later agreed to his suggestion, to make a "shoe" for himself. There is actually a valuable lesson of life in this story: to make this world a happy place to live, you better change yourself - your heart; and not the world.

5. Right Speech: Key to happiness and success

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that 'a speech will either prosper or ruin a nation.' Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party. A women and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, 'Hi, Emily! Remember me? We were friends in the secondary school.' On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, 'Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker.' She answered, 'You should appreciate that you married me. Other wise, he will be the millionaire and not you.' A little girl asked her father, 'How did the human race appear?' The father answered, 'Allah (SWT) made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.' Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.' The confused girl returned to her father and said, 'Daddy how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by Allah (SWT), and mother said they developed from monkeys?' The father answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your mother told you about hers.' Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

6. Personal Perception: Key to happiness and success

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. Once Luqman (as), The Wise said to his son, "Oh son! Do not tie your heart in seeking the pleasure of people. You are not likely to succeed. Do not pay attention to what people say. Instead tell yourself always to seek the pleasure of Allah (SWT)." Luqman (as), The Wise wanted this lesson to be always remembered and never to be forgotten. He thought of a way. So, he then told his son to ride a donkey and the son obeyed. The father followed behind on foot. They traveled in this way for some distance. After some distance they came across a group of people. Seeing the son on the donkey, one of them said, "What an impolite and bad boy. The old father is walking on foot. The young son is comfortably riding on the donkey. This is no manner to show respect to one's father." Father and son heard this. The son came down from the donkey. Luqman (as), The Wise rode on the donkey. After some distance they came across another group of people. On seeing the father riding the donkey, the elder of the group said, "Oh you old man! This is not the way to bring up a son. You make him walk in the hot sun, while you sit comfortably on the donkey." Luqman (as), The Wise paid attention to what the people said. He came down from the donkey. Both father and son walked on foot. The donkey walked in front. They went a little further. People seeing them, said, "How foolish you are? You walk behind a donkey. Why don't you ride it?" Luqman (as), The Wise and his son once again accepted what the people said. They both rode the donkey and went further. They came across a river. There was a bridge to be crossed. Some people were sitting there. They saw Luqman (as), The Wise and his son riding the donkey. One of them said, "It is very unkind and cruel of you two to ride on the poor donkey. The little animal can hardly take all your burden." So taking this advice Luqman (as), The Wise and his son dismounted from the donkey. They traveled a little distance further. Looking very lovingly Luqman (as), The Wise said to his son, "You have heard and seen what the people said. It must have assured you, by now, that whatever you do or whichever way you move, one is not able to please the people of the world." You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future. Luqman (as), The Wise pointed at the flowing river and added, "A person can build a wall across the river. It will stop the flow of the water. But it is not possible to shut the mouth of the people from criticism." Very clearly, similar is the case in our world today. The tongue has no bone. It can speak even without thought. There are as many opinions as there are people in the world. It is very bad to find fault with the other person, especially when he is doing something good. A person can feel very hurt when he listens to all the tongues that talk loose. To avoid getting hurt by loose talk, a person can train himself. He can discipline himself to think. By thinking he can know what is wrong and void. When a person is sure that what he is doing will please his Master, Allah (SWT) the Almighty, then he must never worry what others speak. Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if your conscience is clear. "We must do what we conceive to be the right thing and not bother our heads or burden our souls with whether we will be successful. Because if we don't do the right thing, we will be doing the wrong thing and we will just be a part of the disease and not a part of the cure." - E. F. Schumacher

7. Be Patient: Key to happiness and success

This is another story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily picked stone and scratched lines on the side of the truck. In his anger, the man ran to his son, knocked him away. And took the little boy's hands and hit it many times as punishment, not realizing he was using a wrench. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital. Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the little boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery and saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "But when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father was so hurt. He went back to truck and kicked it a lot of times. Sitting back he looked at the scratches, little boy wrote "I LOVE YOU DAD." Later then committed suicide. Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or you wish to take revenge. Think first before you lose your patience with someone you love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones and hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge. People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes, because we human beings are not perfect. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever. It takes 72 muscles to frown - only 14 to smile! So keep smiling, After all, we only live once. In the word SMILE: S stands for Sets you free M stands for Makes you special I stands for Increases your face value L stands for Lifts up your spirits E stands for Erases all your tensions A Smile makes us look younger, while Prayers make us feel stronger. Think about how special a smile is. It costs nothing, but has the power to enrich all, who receive it. A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside. Even a smile or a kind word is considered charity. Good Life starts only when you stop wanting a better One. So, Live like a Candle, which burns itself but give lights to others.

Advices to Husbands and Wives

Advices to Husbands

Jabir Narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, gave these instructions in his sermon during Farewell Pilgrimage: "Fear God regarding women; for you have taken them [in marriage] with the trust of God."

[Mishkat]

Narrated Aisha, God's messenger said: "Among the believers who show most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and are kindest to their families."

[Tirmidhi]

Narrated Abu Huraira, God's messenger said: "The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives."

[Tirmidhi]

Aisha has related that the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him, would enter the house with a pleasing disposition and a smile on his lips.

[Uswa-i-Hasana]

Narrated Al-Aswad: "I asked Aisha, `What did the Prophet, peace be upon him, do at home?' She said, `He used to work for his family and when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out.'"

[Bukhari]

Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `The woman is like a rib; if you try to straighten her, she will break. So if you want to get benefit from her, do so while she still has some bent.'"

[Bukhari]

Narrated Abu Huraira: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not hurt (trouble) his neighbor. And I advise you to take care of women, for they are created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, it will break, and if you leave it, it will reamin crooked, so I urge you to take care of women.

[Bukhari]

Narrated Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-As: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `O Abdullah! Have I not been informed that you fast all the day and stand in prayer all night?' I said, `Yes, O Allah's Apostle!' He said, `Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and also leave them at other times; stand up for the prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you and your eyes have right over you and your wife has a right over you.'"

[Bukhari]

Narrated Ibn Umar: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian who is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards.'"

[Bukhari]

Men should forbear any shortcomings of women in view of the following verse of Quran:

Live with them in kindness; even if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike something in which God has placed much good.

Qur'an [4 : 19]

Advices to Wives

Anas reported God's messenger as saying, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of paradise she wishes (in other words nothing will prevent her from entering paradise)."

[Mishkat]

Um Salama reported God's messenger as saying, "Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased with her will enter Paradise."

[Tirmidhi]

Abu Huraira told that when God's messenger was asked which woman was best, he replied, "The one who fills [her husband] with joy when he sees her, obeys him when he directs and does not oppose him by displeasing him regarding her person or property."

Wedding in Islam

WEDDINGS ARE PART OF THE PROPHET’S TRADITION
If invited to a marriage ceremony or wedding celebration, you should accept the invitation unless it may include prohibited acts. Attending a wedding is part of the Sunnah, as Islam regards marriage as an act of worship and obedience to Allah. Islam endorses performing marriage contracts in the mosque. Muslim jurists stipulated that this is based on a Hadith reported by Al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Maja: ‘Publicize the marriage, execute it at the mosques and celebrate it with drums.’ Another Hadith reported by Imam Ahmad and Al-Hakim and others supports the first Hadith: ‘Publicize Marriage.’ It also supported by a third Hadith reported by Ahmad, Al-Tirmidhi, Al-Nasa’i and Ibn Maja: ‘The difference between a legitimate (Halal) and an illegitimate (Haram) marriage is the presence of voices and drums.’

There is no dispute among Muslim scholars that in a wedding celebration, the Prophet (PBUH) allowed women to use drums. The most valid opinion among many scholars is that men can also use drums in order to publicize the marriage thus making it known near and far. The noble Islamic purpose of such publicity is to distinguish between an evil and illicit relationship and a pure and desirable marriage.

Attending a wedding is one of the rights of brotherhood among Muslims. It fulfills the requirement of publicity, reinforces the need to attest to the sanctity of the marriage, and it gives a chance to join your brethren as they complete the second half of Islam, and while you pray that they remain observant of the first half. Attending a wedding also honours the husband and wife by having their relatives and friends share in their happiness. It blesses them with guests that pray to Allah for their righteousness, success, affluence and prosperity.

7.2 THE MANNERS OF ATTENDING WEDDINGS
If invited, attend the celebration as if you have answered an invitation to a blessed occasion, and a delightful and acclaimed celebration, as the Prophet proclaimed you should. Dress appropriately, for the Prophet’s companions used to dress properly at weddings. When initiating or sharing in discussions, make sure your conversation fits the happy occasion and does not include depressing and distasteful subject matter that could spoil the occasion. Muslims should be wise and considerate.

It is recommended that you congratulate the bride and bridegroom, by reciting the Hadith narrated by Abu Dawood and Al-Tirmidhi, and authenticated by Ibn Maja and Al-Hakim, whereby the Prophet (PBUH) said: ‘May Allah bless your side and bless your counterpart and may Allah tie your union with virtue.’ Do not use the commonly used phrase ‘With comfort and children,’ because this was the phrase used by the people of ignorance (Jahilia). The Prophet (PBUH) prohibited such a saying, and Allah, with His blessing, replaced it by the prayer of his Prophet (PBUH). Al-Bukhari reported that ‘Ayisha (RA) said: ‘When the Prophet (PBUH) married me, my mother led me into the house where women of Ansar were celebrating. They congratulated me with reward, blessing, and ‘best of luck’ wishes.

Islam permits women to celebrate a wedding by singing tasteful songs, accompanied by a drum beat. Such poems and songs should not promote lust, lewd desire, or portray physical beauty. Instead, they should sing delightful and decent songs to express their happiness with the marriage. Al-Bukhari reported that ‘Ayisha (RA) said: ‘A bride was led to her Ansar husband. The Prophet (PBUH) said: O Ayisha, did you not have merriment? The Ansar love fun.’ He was referring to the singing and beating of drums.

Al-Hafiz ibn Hajar reported in his book Fath Al-Bari that ‘Ayisha recalled that the Prophet (PBUH) asked ‘Why did you not send with her [the bride] a singer girl to sing with a drum beat? I said, ‘What?’ He answered:

We are visiting you, we are visiting you
If you greet us, we’ll greet you.
For your gold, bright and red, brought the bride to your farm
And it is your wheat, brown and tanned, that made your virgins’ charm

Songs sung at weddings must be similar and have wholesome and seemly meanings. Songs of lust, passion and immorality should be avoided.

from the book ISLAMIC MANNERS
By Shaykh Abdul-Fattaah Abu Ghuddah (RA)

Moderation in Eating, Drinking and Expense

• Eat and drink, not in excess but in moderation and do not waste [7:31]
  

• Do not spend unnecessarily, nor devour, eat away or waste away Allah's bounties. Allah does not approve of the extravagant or the wasteful [6:141]
  

• [Surely those will attain a good recompense] who , when they spend, are neither extravagant nor niggardly, but hold a medium way between these two extremes [25:67]
  

• Do not be extravagant in dissipating or squandering wealth or property in a way that is not right or on objects that are vain [17:26]
  

• Verily, the extravagant are the brethren of SHAYATEEN and SHAYTAN is very ungrateful and unappreciative of his Lord [spending not his resources where they ought to be spent and squandering them on the wrong objects] [17:27]

{Israaf is spending more than one ought to spend. Tabzeer is to spend on objects where one ought not to spend

Israaf is from the root s-r-f which leads to the following meanings:

-To be ignorant, unmindful, heedless, negligent, unacquainted, or mistaken in heart or mind
-To eat away, waste away, or devour
-To exceed or transgress the just or right bound or limit or measure
-To act extravagantly, exorbitantly, immoderately
-To go waste because of overflowing [e.g. of water in a container]

Israaf is opposite of Qassdun, which (i.e. Qassadun) has the following meanings:

-To follow the right, middle and most just way in an affair and do not exceed the due bounds therein
-To act in a moderate manner, in a manner that is between prodigality and parsimoniousness, in an affair
-To act in a manner that is contrary to extravagance
-To keep within the due bounds and content with a middle course

Tabzeer is from the root b-z-r, which leads to the following meanings:

-To scatter, disperse, dissipate
-To be extravagant in expenditure
-To dissipate, squander [wealth or property] by extravagant expenditure and destroy, consume, waste or ruin in a way that is nor right or that does not behove

Source: quranicteachings.co.uk

Manners of Talking

• Talk straight, to the point, without any ambiguity or deception [33:70]

• Choose best words to speak and say them in the best possible way [17:53, 2:83]

• Do not shout. Speak politely keeping your voice low [31:19]

• Always speak the truth. Shun words that are deceitful and ostentatious [22:30]

• Do not confound truth with falsehood [2:42]

• Say with your mouth what is in your heart [3:167]

• Speak in a civilized manner in a language that is recognized by the society and is commonly used [4:5]

• When you voice an opinion, be just, even if it is against a relative [6:152]

• Do not be a bragging boaster [31:18]

• Do not talk, listen or do anything vain [23:3, 28:55]

Whom Allah Loves Most

Whom Allah Loves Most

---

The Messenger of Allah [s] said:

"All mankind belongs to Allah; therefore the most favoured by Allah is the one who is good to his or her own family".[7]

A man once asked the Messenger of Allah [s]:

"What people does Allah love most?"

He said: "Those who are most useful to other people."[8]

Through the quoted holy traditions (hadith), the Messenger of Allah [s] teaches us in simplistic terms how to deal with people and how a Muslim should behave with individuals in society.

Indeed, a Muslim should be a useful member of the community in which he or she lives, because human society is like the human body. The human body consists of different organs for different functions, for instance the eye takes the duty of seeing, the tongue for speaking, the legs for walking and the hands for working. Consequently, each of these organs has a benefit and use for the human body without which man cannot live normally.

Therefore, human society is made up of different people, who carry out certain duties to perform necessary services.

A farmer supplies food, a doctor attends to the sick, the holy struggler (mujahid) defends his religion and country, and the teacher educates people. These few examples show that each person offers advantages in providing for people.

The Messenger of Allah [s] likens human society to a single family by saying:

All mankind belong to Allah, the Exalted, Who loves goodness and benefits them; and Who preserves their interests and welfare, like a man who takes care of his or her own family by providing care and assistance.

Therefore, Allah loves those who do good to people and whoever helps the needy, cares for the sick, provides food for the hungry, reconciles people, discovers new medicines, builds a school or establishes an orphanage to look after children without parents. Indeed a true believer does all these for the benefit of other people and is a useful asset to his or her society.

Consequently, the most useful person in society is he who is the best and most beneficial, whom Allah loves most, because an Islamic society cannot be a strong and caring one, in which peace and happiness prevails, unless people do good to the advantage of all and ignore their own personal interests.

To Summarise

1. The best among people is the one who does good to all and is most useful to society.

2. A Muslim is one who loves to do good for society.

3. Allah surely loves those who do good for society.

The Method of Istikhara

The Method of Istikhara